Sunday, November 7, 2010

My “I’m so glad we broke up before you got the Clap” chocolate chip cookies

So you remember my last post when I mentioned you might get smacked in the face with something a little out of the ordinary? Yeah, this is one of those posts. Beware, it’s a little raunchy, but it’s really not all that bad, so please bear with me.

You can thank Rachel Wilkerson for this one, as I found that I can relate to this week’s Project Tasteless challenge.


I contemplated not using this title since her example title included an STD but seriously, this is exactly how I’ve learned to perfect my baking. Let me back up here.

My boyfriend history is pretty short and boring, but they have all contributed to my love of baking. In a nutshell, it looks a little bit like this:

Puppy Love
First Love
Current Love

I started baking for fun, but after a few ridiculous breakups through four years of on-again, off-again torture with Puppy Love, I learned to turn to baking for comfort. I would bake my face off every time we’d break up, and between these cookies (which I’ve now healthified as I’ve gotten older) and the beer I drank with them, I gained about 30 pounds.

There was something about these cookies that my roommates and I could not get enough of. They were really that good.


About six months after our last and thank GOD our final breakup, (right around the time I got the “I have ‘the clap’ and I wanted to let you know” phone call – don’t worry, I was SOO in the clear) I took a much needed break from making cookies.

A year later, I met First love.

First love was the complete opposite of Puppy Love and our break up had me craving this classic cookie recipe something fierce. We dated for two years and he was the guy that ripped my heart out. Have you ever seriously dated a person your parents can’t stand? My mom HATED him and as much as I hate to say it, she was right. Not that he was a bad guy, he just wasn’t for me. Aaaand we broke up. (shortly after I got the “It’s 5 a.m., I’m wasted, and I can’t find my way home” phone call. Did I mention he was driving? And that he was calling me from 2 hours away asking me what he should do?) <sigh> More cookies please! Oh, with Toffee bits? Even better!


And just when I was “loved” out and ready to enjoy being single, I met Current Love. Current Love and I have seen and experienced some serious shit over the past 6 years. He’s a big part of the reason I started this blog, and luckily for him, he’s also the one that gets to benefit from the baking experience I gained from previous loves. He adores my chocolate chip cookies, and when he requested that I make them this weekend I thought “How perfect.” And my blog post was created.

I’m So Glad we broke up before you got the CLAP chocolate chip cookies – the healtified version
Adapted from Betty Crocker. Makes about 2 dozen cookies


  • 1 cup unbleached white flour
  • 1 cup spelt flour
  • 1/2 tsp sea salt
  • 1/2 cup butter (NOT unsalted) softened, but not melted
  • 1/4 cup granulated cane sugar (I used unbleached)
  • 1/4 cup packed brown sugar
  • 1/2 tsp vanilla extract
  • 1 egg
  • 1/2 cup chocolate chips (I used milk chocolate)
  • 1/2 cup Heath toffee bits (the star of these cookies, in my opinion)
  1. Combine dry ingredients in a bowl and mix thoroughly. Set aside.
  2. In a larger bowl, combine sugars, vanilla and butter.
    *Butter trick-if you don’t have the time to let the butter come to room temperature, simply pop it in the microwave for 1 minute at 50% strength. This will soften it without melting it*
  3. Cream the sugar and butter for about a minute. Add egg and cream some more (maybe another 30 seconds)


4. Fold in chocolate chips and toffee bits

5. Drop by the spoonfuls onto your baking sheet

6. Bake at 350* for 11 minutes.

It’s not rocket science folks, but these cookies are damn good.


Anyone else have a go-to comfort recipe or comfort food to eat? Besides the cookies, I also made a banana nut cake with cream cheese frosting that never lasted more than 2 days in my apt. I still get emails and phone calls from friends requesting this recipe.

Have a great week!

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